gotta have my pop!

all you can eat.

I was perusing the magazine racks the other day -- looking for something to pass the time on the subway -- when I came across a new offering: the permiere issue of Lo-Carb Woman. There was a picture of a happily generic-looking chick on the front, accompanied by a huge starburst announcing: "This magazine contains zero net carbs!" I shit you not. I almost vomited all over the Vogues.

I tried doing Atkins once...didn't really do it for me. Essentially, I treated my "diet" as a license to eat eight slices of bacon and a massive chunk of brie for breakfast. Wash that combo down with a Diet Coke...mmmmmm. I actually lost weight doing that, believe it or not, but eventually couldn't even get up a flight of stairs without seeing stars. Healthy weight-loss, my ass.

Good news...I'm finally feeling better! I can't believe it. I've still got remnants of the cold, but all in all, I'm a new woman. No more going home early from the office. Finally, I can get back to working the inhumane hours I'm used to. Gross. Maybe being sick is actually better for me than being well. I think I'll lick a couple subway poles on the way home.

the 'she's sick' trilogy.

So. It's been almost a week since the first signs of cold and I'm still sick. Coughing, sniffling, aching, etc, etc. All my plans for the weekend...cancelled. Friday and Monday...half-days at work. Enough is enough. I finally went to the walk-in clinic yesterday and the decrepit on-call physician told me that flu season had started early and I just had to wait it out. Gee, thanks. Couldn't he just run down my immune system even more by prescribing me unneccessary antibiotics? I'm sure the drugs would have at least had a psychological effect. At this point, I'll take anything I can get...

I have to admit, though, that it was kinda nice to do nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV for a few days. To answer the "What did you do this weekend?" question with "I finally got around to seeing Fast Times at Ridgemont High." I'd never relax that much normally, that's for sure. The weekend rolls around and it's all about how much living I can cram into the (typically) one day I have off. So being forced to chill out was a good thing, in a way.

I'm not feeling so funny lately. This blog used to be funny. What happened?

she's sick, the sequel.

Day Three of the worst cold I've had in a while. It's progressing nicely, I must say. Now I have a wet, hacking cough and that rashy thing you get under your nose after blowing it too much. Woke up this morning, yawned, and subsequently felt my lips crack open in several places. Sexy. I look like the "before" lady in the NyQuill commercials. Speaking of which, I think I'm still high from last night's dose. Proof: I only mascara'd one set of eyelashes this morning. Which warrants a correction -- I look more like the offspring of the "before" lady in the NyQuill commercials and that guy from A Clockwork Orange.

I love the reaction you get from co-workers when you come into the office sick. Lots of "Why didn't you call in??" comments as they're dumping craploads of work on you: "Can you get this done by end of day?" Boo. Clearly, nobody really means it. Although they'll be sorry next week when they're all sick as dogs and I'm fresh as a daisy. I'm sure I've polluted this office but good by now. Mwah hah hah.

I watched Joey for the first time last night. Man, is it bad. I feel so terrible for Matt LeBlanc. As far as spin-offs go, I'm sure he thought he'd be getting the next Frasier, but instead he got the next Joanie Loves Chachi. Could they not have hired some better writers for this show? Perhaps a more likeable supporting cast? Some sets that don't look like leftovers from Saved by the Bell? One person cannot carry a show all by his lonesome! It's pitiful. If I were Matt, I'd sue NBC for the wrongful death of his career.