i say "fuck" way too often.

(And thus ends my history of naming my posts with song titles...it started getting pretty lame around the time I used "Carribbean Queen", and let's face it -- I'm lazy.)

But really -- I DO say "fuck" way too often. I say it in public, I say it in client meetings, and, on three VERY memorable occasions, I have accidentally said it in front of my mother. This has gotta stop. I am a LADY, after all, and LADIES DON'T SAY "FUCK". Jessica Simpson doesn't say "fuck". She says "shoot", and maybe that's why she is famous and I am not. (Although -- it might have more to do with her creepy Svengali Daddy or her incredible ability to belch the alphabet, but who knows?) I need to come up with some options to use the next time I, say, hammer a digit into my new JERKER desk from IKEA. Here are a few:

"Heavens to Murgatroyd!"

"Egads!"

"Jiminy Cricket!"

"Well, I'll be darned!"

"Jumpin' Jehosephat!"

"Christ!"

OK, so the last one works. But even "Christ!" doesn't have the satisfying resoundedness of "fuck". It so wonderfully encapsulates what I'm feeling in so many situations. It is a noun, a verb, and an adjective. It is the perfect word, really. How on EARTH am I going to stop using it? Fuck!

In other news, I attended a friend's Stag & Doe this weekend. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Stag & Does (also known as Buck & Does or Jack & Jills) are a great way for engaged couples (who don't believe that the engagement party, shower(s), bachelor/bachelorette parties, and the wedding itself drain enough cash from the bank accounts of their loved ones) to make money to pay for the big day. They rent out some cheap hall, sell tickets, charge for drinks, and sucker the wedding party into hawking raffle tickets for crappy prizes that no one wants to win but everyone buys tickets for because THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU DO. There are also games of the lowest common denominator variety, which you and your friends can play for a fee (of course). My personal favourite from this particular Stag & Doe was a Stump-Hammering Tournament, in which opponents grabbed their tools and squared off to see who was the Fastest Nailer in the Prevost. I don't know which bugged me more: The fact that said tournament required half an hour of my undivided attention, or my unfortunate loss in the Ladies' Final. I was robbed! I got a bum stump! Fuck!

In all seriousness, may I give you some advice? If you're about to get hitched and are considering a Stag & Doe, do yourself a favour and DON'T. Your friends and family will resent you forever. Or maybe that's just me talking.

Lastly, I just learned from one of my regular reads that today marks the beginning of International Blog Comment Week. So don't be lurkin' all up in here without saying anything.

Comments

[Elisabeth]

I say fuck too much as well, but it just happens to be my favorite word, and I'm a sailor, so it makes sense.

This counts as my one comment this week.

[gottahavemypop!]

You are a fucking good woman. (I, on the other hand, have no excuse for my cursing.)

[Tonya]

Good Golly Miss Molly, you caught me lurking! Actually, I say "shit" a lot.

[Charlie]

But fuck is such a useful word and can be used in so many ways!

An instruction - fuck off now!
An exclamation of 'negative'. - fuck right off!
Surprise - Fuck Me!
State of needing sleep - I'm fucked.
State of something bad going to happen - We're fucked
Statment of exasperation - Fuck Fuck Fuck!
Dissapointment - Oh fuck.
Statement of 'amore' - fancy a fuck?
Amazement - Fucking Hell!

and so much more...

It's the most versatile word I have and one of the few I can say when drunk and spell when sober!

[gottahavemypop!]

I like to say "shit", too. Also satisfying, but not so offensive.

Chas -- you forgot to use it as a noun -- as in: "What a stupid fuck!" My favourite.

[Jamesyboy]

There's nothing wrong with a good 'fuck' from time to time, if you ask me. Every word in the english language was crafted and designed for a purpose and should therefore be cherished...